In the Event of My Death (part 1)

Please bury me as follows:

Plain pine box, wooden nails prefered.
Knife in right hand.
Flashlight in left.
Make sure to play some stuff by the Clash, maybe some Ramones, Barber's Adagio for Strings, and Louis Armstrong's "A Kiss to Build a Dream On".
Spectators should wear at least one item of blue clothing, or at least a blue bandana tied around one arm.

Tragedy

I just got home from a trip down to Florida, and my brother stole all the whiskey.

Happy fucking Hanukkah.

More...

From Saddam's trial:

[A witness has just given an account of being tortured with electricity]

Taha Yassin Ramadan: How were they tortured with electricity? If they use electricity and they are able to walk out of the torture room, then that's not electrocution."

Ramadan was Vice President while Saddam was in power.

Baraka

Has anyone seen "Baraka"? It's apparently awesome.

Description from the official site:

Baraka is an ancient Sufi word, which can be translated as "a blessing, or as the breath, or essence of life from which the evolutionary process unfolds." For many people Baraka is the definitive film in this style. Breathtaking shots from around the world show the beauty and destruction of nature and humans. Coupled with an incredible soundtrack including on site recordings of The Monks Of The Dip Tse Chok Ling Monastery.

This sounds fucking badass. I know what I want for Hanukkah.

Post!

I keeps it real. Know why? 'Cause I'm from tha skreets.

Bitches.

In Gaming news - Last nights game went pretty well, until about halfway through, when Stu spent 5 minutes of quality time with an anonymous whore ("Sonya" - ha!), then spent the night in an opium den. Adam was a bit pissed, and told Stu this when he met him next. Told him with head slaps. Stu then hit Adam back. Then Adam drew his sword, in the middle of a crowded tavern. Then Stu shot Adam (fortunately just grazed him). Adam ended up chasing Stu through the tavern, trying to stab him, until the bartender started chasing them, then they scampered out of the bar, and spent the night in various flop houses. I thought that was a good time to end the game.

A Challenge

My goal for next semester: Be naked in every building on campus. I call it "The Nudity Game". You can participate too if you'd like.

Rules:

1) Bathrooms don't count.
2) Nudity must be during regular building hours (class in session, library or computer lab open)
3) Plus one point for being drunk.
4) Plus one point for masturbating.
5) Plus one point for every ten minutes of nudity.
6) Plus one point if you can convince an accomplise to take your picture.

The game will be based on an honor system.

Must Have Level-Up

I think I need more sleep.

Alternatively, more whiskey.

Both give me powers.

Brain Instability

Looks like I'm in one of those depressive periods I get every few weeks. Symptoms: Can't sleep at night, nap during the day, general apathy, sex drive over or under-reacting, moodiness, irritated by families and friends, strange appetite.

It would be nice to have a psychologist to visit, but I'll settle for some self applied therapy on the blog.

Part of the problem is based on finals of course, lots of stress. Then the weather, which seems to be matching my mood each day. Christmas music is always a kind of low grinding annoyance behind my brainstem, the current debate only seems to make it worse, and I'm dreading the break, I hate being stuck inside, not really being able to walk around, and I really miss reading on my porch.

Prescription: Think happy thoughts... but I don't think it's really working. I'll try some destructive behavior, combined with exercising until I stop thinking. I wish I had a good game, something to remove my mind from the situation, but I really need to stay in the moment until finals conclude.

More Lists

Hoorays! Two old friends back in town. Because I will shortly be entertaining, I shall do my laundry.

Todo List:

1) Write those two papers.
2) Finish watching Road Warrior.
3) Stop using whiskey as a sleep aid.
4) Exercise a bit?
5) Sell TV.
6) Clean Dishes.
7) Do Laundry.

By the way - I've written a test so you can figure out how cool you are. Click on this sentence, and you shall be transported.

Don't worry if you do badly, I'm not sure it's actually possible to get a good result.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

Cold. Wet. Sleepy. Still need to write that thing.

What I'm worrying about now:

My shoes.
Bloody noses in shower.
Writing.
These glasses pinch my nose.
My eyes kind of hurt.
Finding somewhere to sleep.
Getting home.
Why am I doing this? I could be asleep right now, or at least reading a book. Also, naked. Fuck. I need hot chocolate or coffee.

Fuck.

You know what I see when I read Rousseau? A disgruntled student. A bit like Britt. And no, I don't think that's really a complement.

Rousseau says some tremendously stupid things. He is just as much a part of the problem he rails against. If I ever got a time machine, I would go back in time and slap Rousseau for every stupid thing he wrote.

If I took a shot everytime Rousseau said something retarded, I would be shlizzed in the first 6 pages of his Second discource.

Fair Enough

Zack took the Bem Sex Role Inventory test a while back, got interesting results. A description from the test site:

The Bem Sex Role Inventory was developed in 1971 by Dr. Sandra Lipsitz Bem. It characterizes your personality as masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated. The BSRI is based on gender stereotypes, so what it's actually measuring is how well you fit into your traditional sex role. Thus, your score may say as much about how our cultural expectations have changed over the last 35 years as it does about your personality.

My result:

Androgynous You scored 50 masculinity and 50 femininity!

You scored high on both masculinity and femininity. You have a strong personality exhibiting characteristics of both traditional sex roles.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 22% on masculinity You scored higher than 22% on femininity

Link: The Bem Sex Role Inventory Test written by weirdscience on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Update.

Need to write at least three pages today, as well as finish studying for Core. Shouldn't be to hard. Perhaps I shall go for a walk.

Heh, I just realized that my friends know more about me than anyone I've ever dated.

What I Learned Today

1) Don't leave plastic spoons in boiling water.

2) If Rousseau was alive today, he'd be president of UGA's College Republicans.

3) Pete Doherty loves heroin.

La Chaim!

Sufjan Stevens Christmas Albums! 3 of them! Sweet mother of mercy I think I may be convertamatized!

Draw a house!

Yeah, Sleep is Good For Studying

Because I'm still awake:

From Fark: Dumb: trying to smoke a cigarette in the bathroom of an airliner. Dumber: doing so while you are also carrying some marijuana. Dumbest: doing this just before the plane arrives in Singapore

Guess what the punishment for drug use is in Singapore?

And more ear candy, The Apes.

Oh, and Richard Pryor died.

No Really, Aren't Finals Coming Up?

Guess what I found on the curb?



Pushed it all the way back to my apartment, then the brother helped me lug it upstairs. It's got a view video problems, but it works better than my old tv. I'll probably sell it on ebay, unless someone else has a better offer.

You Could Be Studying Now

I feel like headbutting a baby.

Read this.

Look at this.

Thank me later.

While I'm thinking of something else to write, why don't you go download Me and This Army, an awesome Radiohead remix cd.

OK, I'm ready.

I went to this concert last night. Figured since I got free tickets, it would be classy to actually buy booze from the bar instead of smuggling in my own. And now that fresh shiny ten that I had Friday morning is gone, and I don't even have a proper hangover to show for it.

On the other hand, I did get to make fun of men wearing mascara with the sound guy.

The Blues

Ooogh. Looking down at that last post, I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about, but I sure took a pretentious route to get there. That's the definition of the difference between honest and dishonest writing.

Brightman informs me that I need a second language for a lot of grad schools. I'm thinking French, because I already have a pretty good handle on it. Of course, my pronounciation is horrible, and I'm not sure it will get much better.

I've never been good at doing things with "soul". Dancing, acting, playing music, speaking French - all those things seem to require an emotional commitment to the action, and I've never felt comfortable making that sort of commitment. I guess you see an external example of my lack of "soul" in my avoidance of physical contact. I don't like brushing against strangers, being in crowds, sitting next to people, feeling a person behind me, even seeing two other people touch makes me a bit uncomfortable.

Not sure that side of me will ever change.

Tar

I'm sitting in Core, two minutes before the end of class. Woolfolk is walking the class through an analysis of Camus' The Stranger. A faint smell of tar pervades the classroom, a strange thick perfume I feel with every third breath. The class shifts in their seats. I wonder what it smells like outside.

I'm not thinking about Camus. I'm thinking about warmth, and walking barefoot along asphalt roads, clutching my shoes in one hand and my towel in the other.

Rain Rain Rain

This fucking rain is full of acid and alienation.

No electricity in the apartment last night. No 'lectricity means no heat.

You think you've got problems? Have you ever had to wipe frost off your glasses in the morning and then take a shower in 50 degree water?

Various

My eyes have holes in them.

The current cool word in economics, politics, whatever is "globalization" - you probably know what it means. The idea is that a byproduct of the faster communication and cheaper travel costs is cultural homogenization. I have a feeling we may actually move towards a point where the world wide culture is very similar, but pockets of radically different culture exist.

That's why I'm starting the Alligator and Crocodile Destroyers Club. Just call it AC/DC for short. Get in now, positions are limited.

Also, I was reading about this thing called the "Seattle Freeze". Apparently Seattle people tend to be very closed off, friendly on the outside, but generally loners. I wonder if a similar phenomenon takes place at Oglethorpe. When I'm feeling frustrated with the whole thing, I tend to accost strangers and ask them questions.

I really didn't mean to skip core today. I got on the train at about 8:45 with plenty of time to get to core by 9:30. About halfway between Lenox and Oglethorpe station, the train stopped, then seemed to shudder for about ten minutes. Finally, a sheepish voice announced over the intercom, "Um... The train won't go forward, so I'm going to try putting the train in reverse until we reach Lenox station. There should be another Doraville bound train waiting for you there".

And that's why I got to school at 10:08, seven minutes before core ended, one hour and twenty-three minutes after I got on the train.

ROFL

What Type of Villain are You?

Take the Quiz!

Oatmeal

Yeah, and I read all 336 pages of Anansi Boys in about five hours yesterday. Also, played with Brittany's ferrets, and built them a toy involving bells. And read 2 pages of that Globalization book. And played drunk Jenga. And got blinded by strobelights. And the rest of the night went as expected, except Tareq stole my whiskey. And now I'm sitting here, writing and eating oatmeal.

Dillema

I'm not sure whether to respond nowish, or wait a day to be cool.

Books

I forgot to pick up those books today, but here's the notes I have for my "Books I should read" list.

Margaret Atwood - The Handmaid's Tale, The Blind Assassin
chuck_palahniuk latest book

Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis. Dame Darcy's Meatcake Compilation. Alan Moore's Smax. Craig Thompson's Blankets. Lea Hernandez's Texas Steampunk books. Neil Gaiman's Endless Nights (which admittedly felt like a B-sides collection rather than a full album, but even Gaiman's B-sides are generally terrific, and Barron Storey's work was worth the price alone). Derek Kirk Kim's Same Difference and Other Stories. Warren Ellis's Orbiter.

The Big Con: The Story of the Confidence Man is the book that inspired the the movie, The Sting. The book's author, David Maurer, was a linguist who studied the jargon of different professions.

You Can't Win is the utterly compelling autobiography of Jack Black, a thief and a hobo who grew up in the late 1800s and early 1900s.

Hell's Angels is Hunter S. Thompson's best book. I think it's his only great book. Unlike his other work, Thompson stays focused on the job of uncovering a world hidden to most of us, and he does it with such powerful images and colorful language that it's impossible not to be utterly absorbed by the story he tells.

The Secret Societies Handbook by Michael Bradley

Tim or Tom Robinson - also find girl who suggested that guy

These are all snippets from reviews I've found, or notes I wrote myself. I don't have a very good memory, especially when names are involved, so this is the only way I'll actually get around to reading these books when I have a break.

My plan for tomorrow: Wake, jump around while listening to very loud music, scavenge for breakfast, buy that Asian Politics book, maybe write the page for Brightman, meet for presentation, search the bowels of the library for books on my list - perhaps enlist librarian aid, maybe a movie, food, go for a long walk with someone new, see the midnight Thesmorphia show, sleep.

Perception and Gender

Finals are coming up, but I don't really seem to have anything due. I think I'll take that list of "books to read in my free time" to the library today, see what I can find.

I find it hilarious that people think I do well in classes. Not that I do badly, I get a B+ on everything I do, no matter how much time I spend working on it. But compared to at least 1/5th of most of my classes, my grades aren't that great.

I assume the "Ben does well" myth is based on me speaking up in class, and knowing what I'm talking about. They don't really realize that I speak up when I get bored, or when it takes to long for the class to answer a question. Just because I think about the class material a lot, doesn't mean I actually get good grades.

Back in highschool, I wouldn't speak in class at all, and generally spent the class period reading in back of the room.

-

Huge Generalizations: When a guy says something like "shit, I'm failing chemistry", they actually mean that they are failing or at least getting a D in chemistry. When a girl says "Oh noes, I'm failing German", they mean that they're getting a C in the class, or they got a bad grade on their last test/paper. The girl then assesses problem, and starts studying/working harder in order to pass the class with a good grade by the end of the semester.

The professional world is going to look very strange 30 years from now. Right now, most colleges are at least 60% female, Oglethorpe lists its enrollment as 2 woman for every man. I picture men as the new housewives, and wonder how long it will take for society to reflect the gender disparity in colleges.