How to Make Enemies
I was thinking about fighting last night, and I figured the average reader might like to know a bit about how to avoid being hurt in a fight. Here goes:
Your main objective when fighting someone is to make them fall down. The useful thing about knocking an opponent down is that they almost immediately loose their will to fight.
How do you knock someone down? It's surprisingly easy, especially if you're fighting a boxer.
So the two of you are squaring off, he's got his fists raised in the air, ready to punch you in the jaw. Don't throw any punches, just mimic the guy's movements until he throws a punch. When a boxer throws a punch, they immediately become vulnerable, because they shift most of their weight forward, trying to hit you as hard as they can.
When you see that fist coming at you, you have a few choices.
1) Duck punch and give the guy a punch of your own. This method is considered fair, and I don't recommend it.
2) Pull the guy's fist past your body while moving in, and trip him by sliding a foot either to the side opposite where the punch came from or behind him. This method takes advantage of the guy's lack of balance, and leads to a hilarious fall.
3) Kick the guy. Doesn't really matter where, as your kick will probably reach the guy before he manages to punch you. Kicks hurt a lot, and if you're lucky will lead to him falling down.
Things get a bit more difficult if you're fighting a wrestler, but the danger to your health is much less than when fighting a boxer. The cool thing about wrestlers is that they're just fighting to "pin" you, while you're fighting to "make them cry". Do shit the wrestler doesn't expect, like punching or elbowing him just below the ribs, kneeing the crotch, or taking their head and slamming it against the ground until they stop fighting.
Anyway, the fight is basically over once you get someone to the ground and start hitting them. An elbow to the kidneys hurts a fuck of a lot, and the head slamming thing pretty much ends a fight.
Things not to do:
1) Fight anyone with a knife.
2) Fight anyone who is calm before or during the fight.
3) Insult the person you're fighting after you win. [This gives them a sort of moral imperative to do sneaky shit to you later, like beat the shit out of you with a few friends, or damage your property]
4) Start a fight. [The moral imperative thing. Never-ever appear to be the bad guy. People boo when the bad guy gut punches the good guy. They cheer when the good guy beats the shit out of the big bully]
There you have it. Remember, if all else fails, hit them in the back of their head with a big fucking rock.
Your main objective when fighting someone is to make them fall down. The useful thing about knocking an opponent down is that they almost immediately loose their will to fight.
How do you knock someone down? It's surprisingly easy, especially if you're fighting a boxer.
So the two of you are squaring off, he's got his fists raised in the air, ready to punch you in the jaw. Don't throw any punches, just mimic the guy's movements until he throws a punch. When a boxer throws a punch, they immediately become vulnerable, because they shift most of their weight forward, trying to hit you as hard as they can.
When you see that fist coming at you, you have a few choices.
1) Duck punch and give the guy a punch of your own. This method is considered fair, and I don't recommend it.
2) Pull the guy's fist past your body while moving in, and trip him by sliding a foot either to the side opposite where the punch came from or behind him. This method takes advantage of the guy's lack of balance, and leads to a hilarious fall.
3) Kick the guy. Doesn't really matter where, as your kick will probably reach the guy before he manages to punch you. Kicks hurt a lot, and if you're lucky will lead to him falling down.
Things get a bit more difficult if you're fighting a wrestler, but the danger to your health is much less than when fighting a boxer. The cool thing about wrestlers is that they're just fighting to "pin" you, while you're fighting to "make them cry". Do shit the wrestler doesn't expect, like punching or elbowing him just below the ribs, kneeing the crotch, or taking their head and slamming it against the ground until they stop fighting.
Anyway, the fight is basically over once you get someone to the ground and start hitting them. An elbow to the kidneys hurts a fuck of a lot, and the head slamming thing pretty much ends a fight.
Things not to do:
1) Fight anyone with a knife.
2) Fight anyone who is calm before or during the fight.
3) Insult the person you're fighting after you win. [This gives them a sort of moral imperative to do sneaky shit to you later, like beat the shit out of you with a few friends, or damage your property]
4) Start a fight. [The moral imperative thing. Never-ever appear to be the bad guy. People boo when the bad guy gut punches the good guy. They cheer when the good guy beats the shit out of the big bully]
There you have it. Remember, if all else fails, hit them in the back of their head with a big fucking rock.
posted by Fifth at 11:43 AM
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