We Need Structure, Damnit
There's a stupid sort of brute excitement which infects men of a certain age. I felt it that night, carrying a bottle in my left hand, while my right steadied the bag against my side. We walked through tough grass which reached our knees at times, and, occasionally, a bramble would take hold of the old bag, tumbling it in my grasp. The high grass lent an additional excitement to the night, as if the two of us were fighting against an enemy, united, as is impossible in peace.
We had created this enemy for ourselves, earlier. The moon may have been high then, but neither of us saw it. We were standing in the kitchen of my apartment. I had put on shoes when I heard him on the stairs, and he had not removed his shoes to step inside. I wonder if the tile beneath our feet reflected our eager faces as we spoke, and I wonder if the kitchen windows were clear. All I remember was the plan, the excitement, and the quickness with which he agreed to my plan. It was uncharacteristic, perhaps unrealistic, but we wanted danger. We let ourselves create danger that night, in the kitchen, while the moon may have watched.
I'd like to write more, but I'm having trouble thinking of something as cool as these first two paragraphs.
My rough outline.
1) Description of walking through the grass, just before we reach the dry drainage ditch
2) Description of our first meeting that night
3) Description of buying booze, maybe driving, dark streets
4) transition between driving and walking, some sort of musing on fundamental differences
5) from there, more detailed descriptions of the history between myself and Chris, perhaps using his name, a catalogue of injuries inflicted
6) from under the bridge to the dog park. Did we see a homeless guy sleeping under there?
7) old and new piedmont, maybe more Chris vs Ben
8) skip the grass, straight to the pit
9) the fire, the light, smoke, what we burned
10) some sort of ending, I've got no fucking idea, endings are for suckers
Also, in that first sentence, is it better to use "men", "boys", "males", or something else? He was 20, I was 21.
We had created this enemy for ourselves, earlier. The moon may have been high then, but neither of us saw it. We were standing in the kitchen of my apartment. I had put on shoes when I heard him on the stairs, and he had not removed his shoes to step inside. I wonder if the tile beneath our feet reflected our eager faces as we spoke, and I wonder if the kitchen windows were clear. All I remember was the plan, the excitement, and the quickness with which he agreed to my plan. It was uncharacteristic, perhaps unrealistic, but we wanted danger. We let ourselves create danger that night, in the kitchen, while the moon may have watched.
I'd like to write more, but I'm having trouble thinking of something as cool as these first two paragraphs.
My rough outline.
1) Description of walking through the grass, just before we reach the dry drainage ditch
2) Description of our first meeting that night
3) Description of buying booze, maybe driving, dark streets
4) transition between driving and walking, some sort of musing on fundamental differences
5) from there, more detailed descriptions of the history between myself and Chris, perhaps using his name, a catalogue of injuries inflicted
6) from under the bridge to the dog park. Did we see a homeless guy sleeping under there?
7) old and new piedmont, maybe more Chris vs Ben
8) skip the grass, straight to the pit
9) the fire, the light, smoke, what we burned
10) some sort of ending, I've got no fucking idea, endings are for suckers
Also, in that first sentence, is it better to use "men", "boys", "males", or something else? He was 20, I was 21.
posted by Fifth at 11:48 AM
3 Comments:
"Men" is fine.
I would avoid using anyone's real name...it's more respectful that way.
Maybe instead of trying to write it in any one particular direction you should just let it grow on its own, see what happens, and maybe it will suprise you.
If you are going to spend much time describing things like the grass then you should have the external setting mirroring something about the characters, or have the way the narrator sees the world give information about who the narrator really is.
Try writing some dialog--having the characters speak usually helps the whatever I'm writing come alive.
Find the conflict and exploit it.
fuck. I've always hated dialogue. not because I don't like it, I just don't enjoy writing it.
I understand that, alot of people say that they find writing dialogue to be the hardest part....but it's pretty fucking essential. Good, natural dialogue can make or break a story.
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